After Bernie died, I locked my self in my apartment, stayed there three days.
Jonesed like hell, and took a long hard look at me.
I decided if I didn't want to end up like Bernie, then I needed a life altering plan.
I disassociated my self with all of the people that I was involved with, basically became a hermit.
I went back to Louisiana, got on a tug boat, and did not get off for six months.
Worked my ass off every day during that time, just trying to find out who I was.
I went back to school, finished my degree, in of all things, Speech Therapy.
I HATED IT.
Go ahead laugh your ass off, I know, here we go again.
I was clean for the first time in six years, and I have stayed clean ever since.
Nothing I am either proud of nor ashamed of, nothing I can do about it now any way.
I have always felt like life was nothing more than what you chose for it to be any way.
I mean, you are where you are in your life because you chose to be there.
Ok, I see your eyes rolling from that statement, but think about it a minute.
Is there any thing in your life, besides breathing and eventually dying, that you do not have the power to chose what it is you do?
You don't have to get up and go to work every day, its not like some one is going to show up, get you out of bed, dress you, give you a bath, brush your teeth, just so you show up.
You don't have to clean the house and get the kids to school. Hell, let the mess pile up and let the kids sleep in.
You don't even have to pay taxes, there are a lot of people in jail that have proven that.
Got the picture.
You are who you are and yo are where you are because you choose to be there.
This is the lesson I learned the hard way, yes Bernie died, Yes I was stoned.
But my choice was to not end up in that place.